Sincerely Sue,

       I feel like ultimately the breakup with Her happened because we couldn't talk about our fallout like adults. She hustled, bought a car and believed that it would solve our distance problem? I understood her 100%, but i'm not sure she understood me.   We could have fixed it... but she avoided the talk when I saw her. She also gave me rude vibes while because she was on the phone with some other friends. I say it without feeling an ounce of jealousy but in all honesty, we needed to talk about the issue and she completely disregarded it. She basically ignored me after inviting me out... Maybe, I may be wrong, but we hadn't spoken about anything in months and well, without that communication, there was no way to mend our friendship. After all we went through. I see the unresolved misunderstandings. I saw them then. If she was only capable of seeing my point of view. Unfortunately, her insecurities ruined what could have been salvaged. Who knows. ...

SHE COMES UNEXPECTEDLY, FULL OF RAGE, NOT CARING OF WHAT'S IN HER WAY;  GONE AS QUICKLY AS SHE APPEARED.  HER MIND FULL OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE. HER HEART HEAVY WITH PASSION.  A CHATEAU MARGAUX IN THE MIDST OF MERLOTS'. NONETHELESS VENGEFUL OF THE SAME ENTITY SHE SAW IN EVERYONE. ROTTEN, WORTHLESS SOULS INSIDE OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN DECENT BEINGS. FOR SOME, IT'S A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. GIVING THE LESSONS NECESSARY TO CARRY ON. TO OTHERS, KARMATIC, ALMOST.  BUT FEW REGRET THE DAY THEY ENCOUNTERED SUCH BEAUTIFUL DISASTER. RUING THE DAY THEY EVER LET HER PASS. BUT SHE WONDERS THE WORLD SOULLESSLY IN SEARCH OF A RECIPROCITY THAT SIMPLY DOES NOT EXIST IN A HUMAN BEING.  HER LIFE, ONCE PROSPEROUS AND HOPEFUL HAS TURNED DULL AND MEANINGLESS. LESSONS AFTER LESSONS, HER RAGE GREW WITH NO MERCY. SHE WAS THE ONLY MASTER SHE KNEW, THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD SAVE HER FROM HERSELF AND GIVE HER SOUL THE LOVE IT DESIRES.

im in a weird place in my life, im growing but im not. if that makes any sense.  i struggle to find ME. who am i? The questions always asked. if its not in a seminar, its in my screen somewhere deep after the 100th scroll on Twitter.  I look for purpose. and as i know myself, e.g my comfort space, the environment necessary for me to continue this crucial growth exists somewhere deep inside my brain.  I look for it in men, in drinks, drugs, fake friendships, even in my success. Nothing seems to quench my thirst for inner peace.  I remember long ago, i felt comfort from you.  you showed me the love i needed to live with. That's what i crave. and i Know this. Only reaching towards you, breaking through this hardened shell i happen to strengthen with every lie, with every vile substance i put in my body. i find myself not having the strength within myself. i dont ask for strength because my desire for this human feeling sits strong in an untouchable spot...